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24 February 2006 @ 08:24 am
I'm worried about ladylardence. You never got online before I left at 8pm last night. Are you alright? Should I call out the National Guard? I missed you, and your baby annie too... ;)

I have been having the most vivid, awful dreams lately. Brain needs to shut down the dreams. Now, please. Watching your loved ones die horribly is not fun, brain. Capiche? However, if you were to give me vivid dreams of say Larry/Bono or Bono/Edge action... that would be a different story entirely.

So stressed from work right now, and it's all my own doing. I always fall back on doubting my own abilities when I start learning something knew involving writing -- all goes back to my Master's Degree experience and my mentally abusive thesis advisor. I can do this, really I can. I just have to believe in myself and ignore that niggling inner voice that says "You suck. You're stupid. You're making a fool of yourself." Sometimes it's hard to ignore, though, when it's SHOUTING. But at least now I have the tools to combat it, whereas with the thesis I was all alone in a sea of disbelievers, doubters, and nay sayers. So much progress since then, but still so far to go...

I've been thinking about signing up for a uni. course sometime this year, just something fun, women's studies, history of the Italian renaissance, art history... something completely different from anything I've studied before. Just for fun. Michigan State University in located here in Lansing, so I've quite a variety of courses to choose from. I haven't done this in a while, and I miss it.

Hope everybody is having a great Friday!
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: co-workers chatting
Megs: BL unfire snickerthemegs on February 24th, 2006 02:15 pm (UTC)
You cracked me up because my mother's side of the family always says capische to me when I was little, though I've no idea how to spell it.

I wish I could influence your dreams.

Have confidence.
nosferatuvoice: Bono Larry Minenosferatuvoice on February 24th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
I've no idea how to spell it either. Heee.... I just think it's a fun word.

So do I. I want some of your dream mojo!

Thanks, I'm trying. I just have to keep reminding myself I can do it.
Megsthemegs on February 24th, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
I learned Italian in high school and that was one of those tricky verbs. I'm pretty sure it's capische but whatever. When you say it, people know what you mean. I didn't even know that wasn't English until I was 9.

I'll tell you a bedtime story tonight and maybe you'll dream it.

I know it's hard to get over it when someone's pounded it into your head that you suck at something, but you can do it.
nosferatuvoicenosferatuvoice on February 24th, 2006 02:53 pm (UTC)
*giggles* That's okay. My mom used to sing us that silly little song "Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy, a kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't youuuuuuuuu." I must've been ten before I realized that it was "mares eat oats and does eat oats" and not "mareseydotes and oseydotes" (i.e. nonsense words).

Ooooohhhh... a bedtime story! *settles in happily to listen*

Thank you. I can do this. I just have to go through the panic phase first, to get to the "I can do this" phase. The xanax I took this morning is helping. It's also kicking my ass and making me want to sleeeeeeep though.
Megsthemegs on February 24th, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
That's cute!

Today, you finish your first week at the new job! You're going to settle in and be fine, and learn new things and become more confident.
Alina Katranmarka_start on February 24th, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC)
thanx, darling!
hope you gave a great Friday too ;)
Jem Leroselady_lerose on February 24th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC)
Dawn had to go to a dinner for her brother's birthday yesterday since his actual day was the day before but he doesn't get days off 'til thursday....did that make any sense? heee Sorry if you didn't know darling.

*pounces with huggles, snuggles and cuddles* Remember. WE ALL LOVE YOU AND HAVE A BILLION PERCENT CONFIDENCE IN YA! U CAN DO IT GIRL!

nosferatuvoicenosferatuvoice on February 24th, 2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie!